You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
