i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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