You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
