There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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