Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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