just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
