Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
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My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
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He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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