I feel great
I just peed on a car
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Randomize
