They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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