Plan B is the new Plan A
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
