and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
