Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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