Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
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