Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
