don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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