think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
