Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
