My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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