R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
