4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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