You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
this will be a night to untag.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
