there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
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I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
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I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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