he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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