My brain says no but my pants say off.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
