"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
