I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
