I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
