hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
