hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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