My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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