don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
