Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
