One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
