i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
