Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
