the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
