did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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