I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
