Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
