the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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