whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
