I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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