they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
