I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
