I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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