I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Randomize