Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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