6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Let's paint friendship bongs
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
