Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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