Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
