are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
