the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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