I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
