My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
the condom got lost in my hair
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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