those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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