last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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