the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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