Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
