I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
