i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
