my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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