She's JV to your varsity
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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