Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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