i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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