my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
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is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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