I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
