Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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