I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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