I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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