Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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