i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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