ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
