You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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