No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
